Live in... really?

I am 24, earning half a million a year. Retrospection says 'Oh man, you have not done badly till date' but looking ahead I am as confused as a toddler who can't choose between chocolate and a candy. I have to consider two things - which I want to marry much earlier than 30 and I have to build upon my career now that its roots have found water. But what we do? Just like that toddler, we want both. Aah! Marriage seems to be a prison, so we have a workaround - LIVE-IN with a 'prospective' life partner.

To most of us, settling down means marriage. But since we belong to GEN Y(or Z) everyone keeps looking for the best one. Every one of us wants a life partner with whom you will not have to say -no match is ideal. The irony is that we keep on saying and believe too that no match is ideal and still keep looking too. The real fun begins when we happen to find one who is very close to the silhouette in our dreams. The battle between 'no match is ideal' and 'the best one' is won by the former but we do not want to get tied up but to enjoy life to the fullest, to grow in that relationship, to make each day the one worthy of recalling later on. But in all this we end up bargaining responsibility, assertiveness which brings out the moments that you had long craved for. We have to accept the fact that the primary reason for us to go in a live-in is to keep the game of chasing alive. Yes, that seems a bit in your face thing but that is the fact. The real fun is in chasing not in accepting responsibility, caring and blah-blah. Since both the partners are not socially "tied" up they are like independent threads just hooked on the same spindle. For keeping such a relationship going on we keep on pleasing the other one in all the imaginable ways and obviously enjoy it too. Then as happens in every other relationship we have fights too, some enjoy it and some find it a reason enough to relate it to the proverbial last straw.

But what we learn from all of this? Evolution says that human has always been very adaptive in all sorts of environment. And evolution itself says that we have evolved from a nomad to a civilized creature. Then why was this institution of marriage created at all. And no, this concept is not limited to one particular state, region, or a nation. It is followed all over. The answer is purely intellectual. Human being is primarily an animal and animal instincts reside in each one of us. It’s just that we have and are continuously making our life a complex web of emotions in which the basic instinct gets suppressed time and again. Our predecessors realized this important facet of human psychology and made this institution to suppress that emotion. Rituals were made to beautify the concept of marriage so that human enjoys the tied up condition as well. An argument can be made that that was something devised by the then intellectuals, we have the right to make decisions for us. We may say that that was the past and in this new age we need fresh ideas that are we need to evolve further. And we may say that live-in is a new concept and may prove that it is even better one but then to innovate you need to have the history on your side. If you do not know your past you can never invent something. You need to have first your basic concepts clear in your mind before you embark off on the journey to find a new path altogether.

Live-in in my view is a completely new product which is still in its nascent stage. If treated very intelligently it is still a very good option for new couples but should be looked at with a completely different view. It is an alternative and a very good one too, for marriage. But if you are looking at it as a means to find the best one, you need to think again.

Written By: Akash Gupta, Cadence Design Systems , India (akaarj@rediffmail.com)